You know what this means right? two stones!!! 2stones!! TWO STONES!
Yes I was shouting by the end of it but I did it. I got two the two stone mark and now I can cross it off my list.
It comes at a funny time really. I’m really starting to think about the way I view my body and I know I have a completely negative view of it. I look at myself and all I can see is the way my stomach still pokes out and the way it rolls when I sit (sorry for the disgusting imagery there.) The way my flap and how when I did certain exercise (looking at you Boxfit) it makes noises as it slaps down.
BUT in the moments when I am feeling positive, I can see the way my arms are becoming a lot more defined and I might even be getting some muscle (wishful thinking.) I can see the way my legs have slimmed out ( I tried on a pair of knee high boots the other day and they fit me!!) and the way my face has changed so I no longer have 4 chins and eyes hidden behind chubby cheeks. I went into a primark and was having to put back size 12 jeans because they were to big! (Definite non scale victory.)
I guess the thing is I didn’t get on the scale thinking I had lost weight. In fact I’ve been eating out so much I thought I had gained but I would have accepted it. I know my body is changing, and I know it is going to take me ages to accept that I am no longer the little fat girl in the corner. I had planned to wirte this post before getting on the scales simply so I could talk about how even with a gain, there are times when I am so positive about the change I could be at goal at this weight. My body is so much stronger then it once was, I’m biking over 5 miles to work and another 5miles home. I never would have thought I’d willingly choose bike to work (especially since the weather is so shocking at the moment.) I can run longer then I’d even thought possible 4 months ago and I am slowly but surely becoming more confident to try new things and talk to people.
It is time to reevaluate, writing it all down here, I am thinking I am happy ( or I am when I am having a positive day) where I am and I am thinking that (as soon as my new leader gets my forms sent) I might claim GOAL. It is 6pounds away from where I was originally thinking but I can continue to try and get there and be under goal but I might spend time working more on my mental attitude towards myself for while.
It does feel like a good time to reevaluate aswell. I’ve been able to cross this off My List so now need to think about where I want to move it, so prehaps it shoukd become a case of keeping the two stone (74lbs all up) off.
I’ll let you know how it all goes. Until next time.